Monthly Archives: September 2011

Dating Daddy’s Little Girl

Years from now, a handsome gentleman will get down on one knee, present me with a simple band of rose gold and ask to spend the rest of his natural life with me. With both love and sincerity in my eyes, I will look at this handsome gentleman and answer his question with a question of my own – “Did you talk to my dad about this first?”

The only thing worse than dating a “Mama’s Boy” is dating “Daddy’s Little Girl”. I am very fortunate and proud to admit that I am, indeed, a Daddy’s girl. I get most of my “boss” qualities from my father, he defends me better than Cochran on the O.J. case, and he is my ace boon coon. He shuffled me back and forth to every dance, karate, swim, and voice lesson, he took out my braids when I was too little to do it myself, and he cried his eyes out every time I’ve moved out of the house. Why am I biggin’ up my popsi? Because my ideal mate should be pretty much just like my dad.

I often hear men discuss women who have “daddy issues” and how it affects their opinions on dating and men in general. Usually these daddy issues are caused by an absentee father – leaving some women with no close example of what a “good” man should be like. Apparently, this causes some women to distrust and fear men, constantly have their guards up and assume that bad behavior from guys is the norm. On the flip side, there are some of us women who have been blessed to have different kinds of “daddy issues” – we expect our mates to treat us exactly like our daddies do and live up to our daddies’ ideals and expectations.

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I Love it When You

What would life be without the details? It is truly the little things and small moments in life that culminate to the whole. Well, I want my whole (in relation to my dating and relationship experience) to be made up of the itty bitty beautiful actions that leave long lasting seeds for love. I may be living in a fantasy with this list, but these are simple gestures that pull at my heart strings. I wholeheartedly believe all women deserve the little things that make them happy as long as they are willing to balance the relationship by honoring their partner’s desires as well.

I Looove it when you…

Call me to say good night and good morning
Greet me with excitement and bid adieu as if it were the last time you would see me
Surprise me in the morning with warm tea in bed as you open the curtains to meet the day
Offer your help without waiting for me to ask or beg for it
Carry my laundry to and from the Laundromat just to make my day easier
Surprise me with handwritten notes of affection
Kiss me passionately because you missed me
Tell me, “Don’t worry, I got it”
Laugh really hard when I am most silly
Hold the door for me especially when we are alone because it is our world
Touch my hand softly and secretly in public
Apologize when you even think you may have hurt me
Look me in the eyes deeply when we converse
Say my name
Invite my best friend to dinner with us
Kiss my forehead
Say thank you for the smallest things
Make an effort to get closer to my family
Talk to me for hours
Fit me into your busiest day
Opt not to eat meat in my presence because I am vegetarian
Take me on a spontaneous adventure
Defend me
Tell me the reasons you adore my personality
Play with my hair until I fall asleep
Make my birthday a special day
Bring me orange juice and tissues when I am sick
Come to my shows and stand in the front row
Pick me up playfully and make me feel light as a feather
Drive so that I can enjoy the scenic view
Rub me on my back and say baby it will be okay
Talk about our future children…and baby names, parenting styles, etc.
Ask me to move in with you
Read my favorite book or watch my favorite movie just to know me better
Bring me a flower, even if just one
Paint my toenails
Teach me something new from your wealth of knowledge
Remind me that I am beautiful in your eyes
Ladies….if your man can not do this (whatever your details of importance may be). Leave ‘em!!…not because this makes him a bad person but because he may not be what you truly want. After the glitz, glam, and superficiality the little things keep the true romance alive.

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An Open Letter to Cupid

Dearest Cupid, 


I know I used to hit you up a lot when I was younger, but with too many broken hearts, it seemed best that I keep my distance. Well, time has healed most of my wounds and the time has come to embrace that four letter word again. No, no, I’m not talking about lust and I’m definitely not talking about f- well, you know. I’m for real this time. You know exactly what you’re doing in the matchmaking department – I would not dare try and micromanage you – but just in case you were wondering about the type of man I would like to have, I made the list

I would love to have a man who …
                           

                           … believes in my dreams as much as I do. I want him to share his dreams with me. I want us to dream together.

                           … sends me “good morning” texts daily because he wants to guarantee that I start my day with a smile and calls me once I reply because the sound of my voice guarantees the greatness of his day.

                           … brings out the best in me on my worst days.

                           … finds me absolutely stunning even after I’ve walked 15 New York City blocks and 5 avenues on the hottest day of the summer and I’m dripping in sweat.

                            …doesn’t exclude me from his hobbies and interests that I may not understand, but instead takes the time to teach me about each and every one of them – and enjoys doing so.

                            … does not just hear me – I want a man who listens to me.

                            … loves me enough to call me out on my BS. Even bosses like me need to be checked sometimes.

                            … shows appreciation for the things I do for him and does not get all cocky and arrogant when I show my appreciation to him. 

                           … calls my dad just to say “hello”, visits my mother whenever he’s in the neighborhood, and treats my little sister like his own.

                           … is not afraid to share his feelings, concerns, and fears with me.

                           … offers to be my sous chef in the kitchen instead of telling me that my food is inedible.

                        … knows the right iTunes playlist to play when I’m feeling down. Not only will he play the right songs, but he’ll make me stand up and dance with him, even if he only gets a two step out of me.

                        … makes me cry tears of joy. When my tears stem from sadness, he’ll make me smile and laugh – through them all. 

                       … uses the end of the broomstick as a microphone, lip syncs for his life and dances with me as we clean the house together every Saturday morning.

                       … prays. Not only will he pray for me, but he’ll pray with me. 

                       … makes my body temperature rise a degree or two… or three when he hugs me. 

                       … I can grow, build and achieve with. You know, “movement by myself, but a force when we’re together”. Bey & Jay cannot be the only power couple for the kids to look up to.

                       … will nurse me when I’m ill and allows me to care for him when he’s under the weather.

                       … comes over just to be in my presence and isn’t annoyed when I cuddle up next to him just to be in his.

                      … does not take advantage of my kindness and unrelenting support.

                      … will bake me a red velvet cake, get me bubble tea, and make me mango smoothies – just because …

Basically, I want a man who makes me smile every time I see his face, hear his voice or feel his touch. He doesn’t have to look like Idris Elba (although, if Idris is available, I’ll take him). He doesn’t have to be rich with money, just rich with love, passion, and respect. I need to be more than enough woman for him. I won’t ask of him things I would not do for him, but if you do your job right, Cupid, there is nothing I would not do for the right man. I want a man who loves me unconditionally despite all of my many flaws. I want a man who will not raise his voice in anger but in joy. I want a man who gives me a light kiss when I’m asleep. I want a man who misses me as soon as we hang up the phone or close the door. I want a man who does not keep a record of my wrongs, but is patient with me as I make self-improvements. 

I want my best friend, my better half, my partner in crime, my soul mate, the honey in my tea, and the sugar in my garri.


I’m over that phase of just wanting a man so that I can have a man. Everything I want from a man is everything I want to be, give, and do for the right man.

In the words of hopeless romantic, Charlotte York, “I’ve been dating since I was [18]… where is he?!?!”

Cupid, just do your job, kid.
Best,

E

Side note: All men who actually read this post in its entirety, send your information to Cupid, or better yet, just email me directly.
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Prototype

Wouldn’t it be great if you could log on to a website and build your perfect mate – trait by trait – select the perfect laugh, IQ, voice, etc.? Well, science is not there yet, so for now (and forever) you can have your ideal mate in your dreams! That’s right! For the low price of $free.99, you can dream up your perfect mate, relationship, marriage, “physical encounters” and everything else that makes you sad because it does not yet exist in your life.

Many people say they do not have a “type”, but it would not be a stretch to assume that we all have an ideal. For example, in an ideal world, I’ll be married by 30 to an extremely handsome and faithful man, have 2 kids by 35 – preferably fraternal twins of different sexes – and my husband will do romantic things with every breath I take. Will that happen? By the grace of God, yes, but I don’t really know. Does it hurt to dream?

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