Tag Archives: love

the question my boyfriend asked me that almost ended our relationship

“Is Pusha-T a good rapper?”


I was at work when I received this message from my boyfriend. With latex gloves on and a pipette in my left hand, I stood at my laboratory bench for a good 60 seconds trying to figure out how I should feel and what I could say in response to this text. My boyfriend, let’s call him “Raj”—because he’s Indian plus Big Bang Theory is a great show—and I had only been dating exclusively for a couple of months when he asked this blasphemous question, so to be candid, it wouldn’t have taken much for me to dump him over this.

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Love and Basketball: Fouls

Almost two years ago on my personal blog (shared again here on Le Femme Flaneur), I wrote a little article called “The Theory of the Bench” in which I compare dating to the game of basketball. I discussed the roles of the various key players on your dating team  and why it is necessary that you keep each player in his place and not mess around with your roster. Today, I will take this analogy to another level by discussing what happens when your “Point Guard” does the unthinkable and messes up. We aren’t going to worry too much about the indiscretions of the Power Forward, the other Guard, the other Forward, the Center, or the Bench because remember, they are substitutes, back-ups, and rebounds.

This would be a good time to go and read the original post if you haven’t already or you need a refresher.

Let’s get started, shall we, dahlings?

Please remember that I am not Phil Jackson or Ahmad Rashaad and I got cut from my junior high school basketball team, but I know a lil’ bit about hooping. Shout out to Wikipedia, though. Also, keep in mind that I am a young woman full of opinions and opinions do not equal advice you should/have to take.  

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Men Ain’t Sh?t

Finally, it is here. A labor of love, Men Ain’t Sh?t, is our very first Le Femme Flaneur film!

Watch, enjoy, share, and let us know what you think, but in the words of Erykah Badu, “keep in mind that we’re artists and we’re sensitive about our shit…” =)

Without further ado… Men Ain’t Sh?t.

Men Ain’t Sh?t from Le Femme Flaneur on Vimeo.

Inspired by one of many conversations about love & relationships, “Men Ain’t Sh?t” is a short film intended to skew young daters’ perceptions of 20something men – in a positive direction. Often, young women assume that the dating game is harder for us due to countless horror stories in which the guy is always at fault for the dissolution of the relationship. In an attempt to hold on to the hope that men are capable of being amazing partners in their 20’s, we decided to let them speak for themselves. Ten young men from various backgrounds were asked a handful of questions about past loves, relationship expectations, and their feelings about women. Their candor and insight set the tone for an interesting journey into the male psyche.

“Men Ain’t Sh?t” aims to not only give young men an opportunity to share the side of the story we do not often hear, but also create common ground between all of us in the wonderful world of dating.

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The Fast

After some heartbreaking experiences at the beginning of this year, I realized that I am a love-aholic and decided that it was best for me to completely remove myself from the dating pool and go on a dating fast for 12 whole months. No “talkin'”, no “cakin'”, no “cuffin'”, “cuddlin'” or “cuttin'”.  I abstained from all things even slightly resembling romance. My fast was just a self-designed 10-step program that I took myself through in order to regain my sanity because these dudes can drive you crazy.

We are supposed to discuss relationship maintenance, marriage and commitment now on LFF, but I will not deceive you or myself – what do I know about relationships? I’m single now, so I obviously know more about the “don’ts” than the “do’s”. I am just going to use this time as an opportunity to share what my fast entailed and how it has helped me. Sometimes we do not realize that being in a successful relationship with another person requires us to first have a healthy relationship with ourselves.

E’s 10-Step Dating Fast
Note: I created this list for myself. When I speak to myself, I speak in “Ratchet”, hence all of the “Yo’s”. Carry on.

I. Isolate Yo’self: I stopped reaching out to old & prospective boos. Yes, I ignored phone calls and dodged texts. I didn’t care if BBM was telling on me with that annoying “R” above the check on every read message. I needed to be completely alone and disconnected from those guys to ensure that I would not relapse.

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Dating Daddy’s Little Girl

Years from now, a handsome gentleman will get down on one knee, present me with a simple band of rose gold and ask to spend the rest of his natural life with me. With both love and sincerity in my eyes, I will look at this handsome gentleman and answer his question with a question of my own – “Did you talk to my dad about this first?”

The only thing worse than dating a “Mama’s Boy” is dating “Daddy’s Little Girl”. I am very fortunate and proud to admit that I am, indeed, a Daddy’s girl. I get most of my “boss” qualities from my father, he defends me better than Cochran on the O.J. case, and he is my ace boon coon. He shuffled me back and forth to every dance, karate, swim, and voice lesson, he took out my braids when I was too little to do it myself, and he cried his eyes out every time I’ve moved out of the house. Why am I biggin’ up my popsi? Because my ideal mate should be pretty much just like my dad.

I often hear men discuss women who have “daddy issues” and how it affects their opinions on dating and men in general. Usually these daddy issues are caused by an absentee father – leaving some women with no close example of what a “good” man should be like. Apparently, this causes some women to distrust and fear men, constantly have their guards up and assume that bad behavior from guys is the norm. On the flip side, there are some of us women who have been blessed to have different kinds of “daddy issues” – we expect our mates to treat us exactly like our daddies do and live up to our daddies’ ideals and expectations.

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