Tag Archives: love

the question my boyfriend asked me that almost ended our relationship

“Is Pusha-T a good rapper?”


I was at work when I received this message from my boyfriend. With latex gloves on and a pipette in my left hand, I stood at my laboratory bench for a good 60 seconds trying to figure out how I should feel and what I could say in response to this text. My boyfriend, let’s call him “Raj”—because he’s Indian plus Big Bang Theory is a great show—and I had only been dating exclusively for a couple of months when he asked this blasphemous question, so to be candid, it wouldn’t have taken much for me to dump him over this.

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Post Valentine’s Day Thought: Are You the Side Chick?

During the Valentine’s Day pre-season, many people in the Twitterverse were trying to put fear in the hearts of many young women who are currently in relationship purgatory – you know, that awkward place in a relationship where you both are caught up in your feelings but have not become “official.” It is basically the way we used to date in college. Some of us have not shaken off that style of dating yet.

Anyway, the most common pre-Valentine’s Day tweet I saw went a little something like this: “If your man is busy/not feeling well/doesn’t get you anything on Valentine’s Day – you’re the side chick.”

Now that the day has come and gone, some of us ladies are reflecting back on February 14th and trying to determine how much we really mean to our significant other according to what he did (or did not) do on Cupid’s special day. Of course, this is silly, but we do it anyway – tell me not.

To the ladies that got amazing gifts, surprises, proposals, and the like, I would like to say, “Congratulations.” You probably feel a bit more secure in your relationship now. To the ladies who had the day go by with nothing more than a text/tweet from their cuff buddy, I know you woke up Wednesday morning, looked at your reflection in the mirror and asked yourself, “Am I the side chick?” I don’t want to say that I can relate, so I will not.

What I will say is this – just because there was no hoopla surrounding your V day does not mean you are the side chick. Go ahead, breathe a sigh of relief. There are a few other reasons why your booski may have let the day just pass you by.

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Love and Basketball: Fouls

Almost two years ago on my personal blog (shared again here on Le Femme Flaneur), I wrote a little article called “The Theory of the Bench” in which I compare dating to the game of basketball. I discussed the roles of the various key players on your dating team  and why it is necessary that you keep each player in his place and not mess around with your roster. Today, I will take this analogy to another level by discussing what happens when your “Point Guard” does the unthinkable and messes up. We aren’t going to worry too much about the indiscretions of the Power Forward, the other Guard, the other Forward, the Center, or the Bench because remember, they are substitutes, back-ups, and rebounds.

This would be a good time to go and read the original post if you haven’t already or you need a refresher.

Let’s get started, shall we, dahlings?

Please remember that I am not Phil Jackson or Ahmad Rashaad and I got cut from my junior high school basketball team, but I know a lil’ bit about hooping. Shout out to Wikipedia, though. Also, keep in mind that I am a young woman full of opinions and opinions do not equal advice you should/have to take.  

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Men Ain’t Sh?t

Finally, it is here. A labor of love, Men Ain’t Sh?t, is our very first Le Femme Flaneur film!

Watch, enjoy, share, and let us know what you think, but in the words of Erykah Badu, “keep in mind that we’re artists and we’re sensitive about our shit…” =)

Without further ado… Men Ain’t Sh?t.

Men Ain’t Sh?t from Le Femme Flaneur on Vimeo.

Inspired by one of many conversations about love & relationships, “Men Ain’t Sh?t” is a short film intended to skew young daters’ perceptions of 20something men – in a positive direction. Often, young women assume that the dating game is harder for us due to countless horror stories in which the guy is always at fault for the dissolution of the relationship. In an attempt to hold on to the hope that men are capable of being amazing partners in their 20’s, we decided to let them speak for themselves. Ten young men from various backgrounds were asked a handful of questions about past loves, relationship expectations, and their feelings about women. Their candor and insight set the tone for an interesting journey into the male psyche.

“Men Ain’t Sh?t” aims to not only give young men an opportunity to share the side of the story we do not often hear, but also create common ground between all of us in the wonderful world of dating.

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A young man of a certain complexion, a certain height, and a certain age is walking in your direction. Your heartbeat doubles, you hold your breath, and your entire body tenses up. The young man is now within a foot of you and you’re sad. You’re sad because you realize he wasn’t “him”.
He wasn’t the man who won your heart four years ago.
He wasn’t the man you spoke to on the phone from sunset to sunrise.
He wasn’t the man you introduced to your parents because you honestly thought it would last.
He wasn’t the man who made frequent surprise visits to your workplace because he could not wait to see you.
He wasn’t the man who trusted you enough to tell you all of his dreams.
He wasn’t the man who told you how sexy and beautiful you were every chance he had.
He wasn’t the man who said you were the best thing to ever happen to him.
He wasn’t the man with whom you picked out baby names.
He wasn’t the man you thought was “The One”.
He wasn’t the man you thought was your future…
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