Tag Archives: relationships

the question my boyfriend asked me that almost ended our relationship

“Is Pusha-T a good rapper?”

Friday

I was at work when I received this message from my boyfriend. With latex gloves on and a pipette in my left hand, I stood at my laboratory bench for a good 60 seconds trying to figure out how I should feel and what I could say in response to this text. My boyfriend, let’s call him “Raj”—because he’s Indian plus Big Bang Theory is a great show—and I had only been dating exclusively for a couple of months when he asked this blasphemous question, so to be candid, it wouldn’t have taken much for me to dump him over this.

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Curl Box

Black men are always asking for nice things, but then you don’t know how to act when you finally get them. Give a black man some high fashion and he wears a bedazzled mask on stage then announces that his current girlfriend is now his “baby mama.” That’s that shit, bruh. That’s that shit.

Not only do guys play that mess when it comes to material things, but oftentimes you all become enemies of progress regarding dating  curly haired women of color. Always asking and praying for a woman with curly hair minus the tracks, but when the universe grants you your wish of a natural haired beauty, y’all leave us no choice but to do a second big chop. This time around, though, you’re on the chopping block.

Because I want your cuffin’ season partnership to blossom into a happy, loving relationship, I’m going to throw you a bone and teach you how to keep your beautiful natural hair empress. Y’all taught me how to dougie, this is the least I could do.

Please, get your tablets ready and let me tell you how you’re fucking up.

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Post Valentine’s Day Thought: Are You the Side Chick?

During the Valentine’s Day pre-season, many people in the Twitterverse were trying to put fear in the hearts of many young women who are currently in relationship purgatory – you know, that awkward place in a relationship where you both are caught up in your feelings but have not become “official.” It is basically the way we used to date in college. Some of us have not shaken off that style of dating yet.

Anyway, the most common pre-Valentine’s Day tweet I saw went a little something like this: “If your man is busy/not feeling well/doesn’t get you anything on Valentine’s Day – you’re the side chick.”

Now that the day has come and gone, some of us ladies are reflecting back on February 14th and trying to determine how much we really mean to our significant other according to what he did (or did not) do on Cupid’s special day. Of course, this is silly, but we do it anyway - tell me not.

To the ladies that got amazing gifts, surprises, proposals, and the like, I would like to say, “Congratulations.” You probably feel a bit more secure in your relationship now. To the ladies who had the day go by with nothing more than a text/tweet from their cuff buddy, I know you woke up Wednesday morning, looked at your reflection in the mirror and asked yourself, “Am I the side chick?” I don’t want to say that I can relate, so I will not.

What I will say is this – just because there was no hoopla surrounding your V day does not mean you are the side chick. Go ahead, breathe a sigh of relief. There are a few other reasons why your booski may have let the day just pass you by.

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Love and Basketball: Fouls

Almost two years ago on my personal blog (shared again here on Le Femme Flaneur), I wrote a little article called “The Theory of the Bench” in which I compare dating to the game of basketball. I discussed the roles of the various key players on your dating team  and why it is necessary that you keep each player in his place and not mess around with your roster. Today, I will take this analogy to another level by discussing what happens when your “Point Guard” does the unthinkable and messes up. We aren’t going to worry too much about the indiscretions of the Power Forward, the other Guard, the other Forward, the Center, or the Bench because remember, they are substitutes, back-ups, and rebounds.

This would be a good time to go and read the original post if you haven’t already or you need a refresher.

Let’s get started, shall we, dahlings?

Please remember that I am not Phil Jackson or Ahmad Rashaad and I got cut from my junior high school basketball team, but I know a lil’ bit about hooping. Shout out to Wikipedia, though. Also, keep in mind that I am a young woman full of opinions and opinions do not equal advice you should/have to take.  

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Cheaper to Keep Her

“I keep her. It’s cheaper. I love too much to let go.” – Gnarls Barkley “Necromancer”

 If I ever get betrothed, before any knots are to be tied, prenuptial agreements are to be signed. I say this because I plan on having a whole lot of assets by the time whoever “he” is puts a ring on it and although I do not pray for divorce, you never know.

Most of us have heard stories of husbands and wives leaving with half of everything their spouses own. They leave a relationship presumably built on love and friendship with houses and cars – whether they deserve them or not. For the spouses on the losing end of the divorce, I’m sure the thoughts that go through their heads are something like, “well, she isn’t that bad”, “we can make this work, right?”, and “I know he ain’t finna leave me all alone and take my money! I’m not signing those papers!” I have never done a cost analysis for a divorce before, but I do know that the saying “it’s cheaper to keep her” didn’t come from out of nowhere.

Now, I understand the financial concerns, but what about the emotional expenses? Let’s forget about marriage and divorce for a minute and consider other circumstances in which it may be cheaper to stick around than call it quits.

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